Friday, April 20, 2007

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I Will Survive

At first I was afraid I was patrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And i learnt how to get along
And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I'd've known for just one second you'd be back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now('cause) you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did I crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not.I.
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;
I've got all my life to live,I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,I will survive.
Hey hey.It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart,
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself.
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you,
And so you feel like droppin' in
And just expect me to be free,
Now I'm savin' all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me
Go on now

Sunday, April 15, 2007

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

Friday, April 13, 2007




I said... God, I hurt.
And God said... I know.
I said... God I cry a lot.
And God said... that is why I gave you tears.
I said... God, I am so depressed.
And God said... that is why I gave you sunshine.
I said... God, life is hard.
And God said... that is why I gave you loved ones.
I said... God my loved one died.
And God said... so did mine.
I said... it is such a loss.
And God said... I saw mine nailed to the cross.
I said... God your loved one lives.
And God said... so does yours.
I said... where are they now?
And God said... Mine is on my right hand,
And yours is in the light.
I said... God it hurts.
And God said... I know.
On behalf of my family and myself, I would like
to thank you all for the thoughts and prayers
during the past year for my brother.
He doesn't hurt anymore...